we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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