Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
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