I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
