Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
