it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
