wrigley field is MILF paradise
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
