i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
