i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
