I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize