fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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