I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
