You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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