Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
