I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
