After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
