can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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