Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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