So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Randomize
