There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
