i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
