I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
