Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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