I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Randomize
