you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
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