well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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