That's when you crack a 10am beer
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
