you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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