I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize