Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
