hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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