Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
