Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
