cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm at about main and main street
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
