he was CRYING into my vagina
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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