Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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