Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Randomize
