the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
