did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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