shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
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