why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
