hell yes lets make some ravioli
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
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