you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
