you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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