I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize