are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
