I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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