i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
