dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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