Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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