i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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