i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
