did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize