It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
