Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
