All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
