it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
