the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
