last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
