He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
