you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
