hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize