i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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