Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize