Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
