Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
