a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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